Mensagens

OS HOMENS SÃO COMO AS PLANTAS. 🍒

Imagem
Há quem diga que os homens são complicados. Não concordo. Os homens são um bocado como as plantas. Uns precisam de atenção constante. Outros sobrevivem perfeitamente sem ela. Alguns florescem quando são ignorados. E há aqueles que, por mais que os reguemos, continuam a ser uns cactos. O problema é que ninguém nos entrega um manual de instruções. Compramos a planta, achamos-lhe graça, escolhemos-lhe um lugar especial na nossa vida e começamos a tratar dela. Damos-lhe luz, água, carinho e, quando necessário, um bocadinho de fertilizante emocional. Até que um dia percebemos que estamos a manter uma estufa inteira e que ninguém se lembrou de perguntar se nós também precisávamos de ser regadas. Depois há aquela velha classificação masculina: Os bons lixam-te. Os maus lixam-te. E os restantes não sabem como te lixar. É uma espécie de seleção natural, mas com menos Darwin e mais despesas de cabeleireiro. Os bons costumam ter boas intenções. Infelizmente, as boas intenções nem sempr...
Enviar um comentário
Ler mais

BECOMING A PROPER BITCH. 🍒

Imagem
Day 22. Management has changed. “You’re not the sweet girl I used to know.” Oh, darling. I know. That sweet girl was lovely, wasn’t she? Always understanding. Always available. Always giving people the benefit of the doubt, even when there was no doubt left to benefit from. She believed in second chances. And third chances. And fourth chances, because apparently she was running a charitable foundation for the emotionally incompetent. She listened. She forgave. She made excuses for people who couldn’t even be bothered to invent convincing ones themselves. And when someone needed something? There she was. A sort of emotional 7-Eleven. Open twenty-four hours a day, no appointment necessary, no questions asked, and apparently everything was free. Unfortunately, the business model was unsustainable. She went bankrupt financing other people’s egos. So yes. I’m a bitch now. A proper one, apparently. Not because I’ve suddenly developed a passion for being unpleasant. Quite the o...
Enviar um comentário
Ler mais

THE PREVIOUS VERSION HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED 🍒

Imagem
For a considerable number of years, I devoted myself to a rather ambitious undertaking: trying to be everything to everyone. A noble enterprise, one might think. Unfortunately, it came with dreadful working conditions, no annual leave, and an astonishing number of complaints. There was always someone who needed something. Someone who expected something. Someone who was disappointed because I had done too much, too little, too soon, too late, or, in a particularly impressive display of creativity, not quite what they had imagined I ought to have done. Apparently, I was supposed to know. I tried being understanding. Accommodating. Patient. Reasonable. Occasionally, I even attempted the dangerous art of being agreeable before my first cup of coffee. Nothing worked. The trouble with trying to please everyone is that everyone has a different idea of what pleasing them should look like. Some prefer you cheerful, but not excessively so. Others appreciate your honesty, provided it conf...
Enviar um comentário
Ler mais

SAN FRANCISCO. SUMMER, APPARENTLY. 🍒

Imagem
There are places you visit because they happen to be on your way. And then there are places that have been sitting on your bucket list for so long that, frankly, they should have started paying rent. San Francisco belonged firmly in the second category. I had wanted to see it for years. The Golden Gate Bridge. The cable cars. The famous hills. The beautiful houses. The whole thing. I had a rather romantic picture of it all. Naturally, the weather had other ideas. I arrived from Los Angeles, where summer was behaving exactly as summer should. Sunshine, heat, people dressed accordingly. A perfectly respectable arrangement. A few hundred kilometres later, San Francisco greeted me with approximately 14°C. In summer. Fourteen. I am Portuguese. We have a fairly straightforward understanding of the seasons. Summer means summer. Winter means winter. And if you need to light a fireplace in the middle of July, someone, somewhere, has made an administrative error. Yet there it was...
Enviar um comentário
Ler mais